When Reality Bitch Slaps You Right In The Face
It’s been ages since the last “What Grinds My Gears post”, and I felt the need to write one. I don’t seem to sleep much lately and a 1/2 bottle of Kettle One Citroen (sorry B**** it was quite tasty) later I was “inspired” to write this. Don’t fret I haven’t been getting any less angry. just nothing worth posting. I still don’t think this post grinds my gears as much as it is a place to call reality what it really is. Irresponsible people treat reality different than responsible people. Responsible people are the average nobodys, the schnooks of life.
The “bitch-slap”: cold, cruel, spontaneous, humiliating, politically incorrect. As I grow older there are thoughts, dreams, ambitions that when younger might have had a chance to fulfill. But being the responsible individual (schnook) I am, the road veered to the left rather than the right. What does GRIND MY GEARS is the bullshit people say “If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything” FUCK THAT. Read the title, if you don’t have the $$, space or connections none of this is gonna happen; PERIOD. You can sugar coat this infomercial 3 ways till Tuesday then that cunt REALITY steps in. It’s the same cunt that breaks your furnace when you pay off your outstanding bills. It’s the same cunt who will need window replacements when the furnace is paid off. It’s the same cunt who will give you goddamn cancer once the windows are paid off. And that cunt will find other ways once a cure for cancer is found.
So on that positive note below are a few things I have made peace with and will not waste my time trying to fulfill.
- I will never, ever own a muscle car. With 2 garage spaces already taken and a fortune teller not giving me the winning Powerball numbers, gonna be stuck driving the family vehicle the rest of my life. The worst thing?? Probably not. I will put my money in the future Xbox. By then the should have a module you hook up to your testicles so they jump in your throat when you stomp the gas pedal on a 1970 Ford Torino 429 Super Cobra Jet. blasting Mississippi Queen on the in-dash 8-track player of Forza 20 Anniversary Edition.
- I will never ever own a pinball machine. Once again not the end of the world, we will award that to COVID-19. There is a resurgence of arcades to scratch that itch. But a Tales of the Arabian Nights would look so cool in the den. Let me get the tape measure, yeah that ain’t gonna work. Uggghhhhh emulation it is.
- I will never ever “retire”. Let’s face it, the Baby Boomer assholes are going suck social security drier than a shot glass of Jack Daniels at a AA meeting. While it’s easy to lay the blame on someone else, this is my doing as I didn’t properly “prepare” putting my $4.25/hour minimum wage in a retirement fund opting to expand my creative horizon and buy CDs instead. I stand by the CDs. Walmart shoppers in 2045 look out, I am going to be the best damn greeter of all time. There are jokes about those Employees of the Month who work there, 50-1 my mug will show up there.
- The “good old days” have set sail. This one isn’t specific to the mid-90’s; sniff sniff let me get that tear from my eye. Every generation goes through the same thing, every other is inferior, but…I remember a time when you could smoke in McDonalds, your life (and others) wasn’t posted for the world to read, health insurance was affordable and actually covered something and everyone just chilled the fuck out. Nowadays it’s a constant walking on eggshells mentality and lawsuit-happy ways of life.
- I am sure there are others that will not be mentioned here to protect the innocent. Sorry for the Dragnet reference.
As always I am looking forward to hearing how Reality bitch-slapped YOU in the face.