Must be Opening Night Eve if I start to do the yearly picks. Let’s see which Conference I can whiff on this year.
North: The Minnesota Football Team*
South: The New Orleans Football Team*
East: The Dallas Football Team*
West: The San Francisco Football Team*
Wild Cards: The Tampa Bay Football Team*, The Green Bay Football Team*
NFC Title Game: The San Francisco Football Team/The New Orleans Football Team
NFC Champ: The New Orleans Football Team
North: The Baltimore Football Team*
South: The Tennessee Football Team*
East: The Buffalo Football Team*
West: The Kansas City Football Team*
Wild Cards: The Houston Football Team*, The Las Vegas!!! Football Team*
AFC Title Game: The Baltimore Football Team/The Kansas City Football Team
AFC Champ: The Baltimore Football Team
SB LV: The New Orleans Football Team/The Baltimore Football Team
SB LV Champ: The Baltimore Football Team****
Notes**: I am doing everything off a whim, payed ZERO attention to any sports. I’ll give the North to the Minnesota Football Team this year, Rodgers age will start to show late in the season and can they stop the run? No, but Rodgers is still worth a Wild Card berth. Saints win the South because of Brees***. McCarthy wasn’t the problem in GB and will take the Dallas Football Team to a Division win, would be awesome to see a The Green Bay Football Team/The Dallas Football Team playoff game. The San Francisco Football Team take the West again to the NFC Title game. Brady/Gronk combo gives The Tampa Bay Football Team a solid Wild Card berth.
Is the “Madden Curse” more powerful than COVID for The Baltimore Football Team? Nope and an SBLV win for them. The Tennessee Football Team overtakes the Houston Football Team in a much improved division the Houston Football Team wins a strong Wild Card and maybe a playoff win. The Belichick-Brady Dynasty is over…so is The New England Football Team playoff appearance, The Buffalo Football Team overtakes the East because why the fuck not?***. The Kansas City Football Team doesn’t repeat but will be fun to watch go to the AFC Title game. The Las Vegas Football Team is my only “sleeper” I can see this year. New stadium and no one there, same for The Los Angeles Football Team oh wait are they known as The NFC Los Angeles Football Team or The Los Angeles Football Team 1?
*Don’t want The Washington Football Team to feel left out.
**Barring there IS a full season.
***Noted the same in last year’s email.
****Barring the Madden Curse.
It’s been ages since the last “What Grinds My Gears post”, and I felt the need to write one. I don’t seem to sleep much lately and a 1/2 bottle of Kettle One Citroen (sorry B**** it was quite tasty) later I was “inspired” to write this. Don’t fret I haven’t been getting any less angry. just nothing worth posting. I still don’t think this post grinds my gears as much as it is a place to call reality what it really is. Irresponsible people treat reality different than responsible people. Responsible people are the average nobodys, the schnooks of life.
The “bitch-slap”: cold, cruel, spontaneous, humiliating, politically incorrect. As I grow older there are thoughts, dreams, ambitions that when younger might have had a chance to fulfill. But being the responsible individual (schnook) I am, the road veered to the left rather than the right. What does GRIND MY GEARS is the bullshit people say “If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything” FUCK THAT. Read the title, if you don’t have the $$, space or connections none of this is gonna happen; PERIOD. You can sugar coat this infomercial 3 ways till Tuesday then that cunt REALITY steps in. It’s the same cunt that breaks your furnace when you pay off your outstanding bills. It’s the same cunt who will need window replacements when the furnace is paid off. It’s the same cunt who will give you goddamn cancer once the windows are paid off. And that cunt will find other ways once a cure for cancer is found.
So on that positive note below are a few things I have made peace with and will not waste my time trying to fulfill.
- I will never, ever own a muscle car. With 2 garage spaces already taken and a fortune teller not giving me the winning Powerball numbers, gonna be stuck driving the family vehicle the rest of my life. The worst thing?? Probably not. I will put my money in the future Xbox. By then the should have a module you hook up to your testicles so they jump in your throat when you stomp the gas pedal on a 1970 Ford Torino 429 Super Cobra Jet. blasting Mississippi Queen on the in-dash 8-track player of Forza 20 Anniversary Edition.
- I will never ever own a pinball machine. Once again not the end of the world, we will award that to COVID-19. There is a resurgence of arcades to scratch that itch. But a Tales of the Arabian Nights would look so cool in the den. Let me get the tape measure, yeah that ain’t gonna work. Uggghhhhh emulation it is.
- I will never ever “retire”. Let’s face it, the Baby Boomer assholes are going suck social security drier than a shot glass of Jack Daniels at a AA meeting. While it’s easy to lay the blame on someone else, this is my doing as I didn’t properly “prepare” putting my $4.25/hour minimum wage in a retirement fund opting to expand my creative horizon and buy CDs instead. I stand by the CDs. Walmart shoppers in 2045 look out, I am going to be the best damn greeter of all time. There are jokes about those Employees of the Month who work there, 50-1 my mug will show up there.
- The “good old days” have set sail. This one isn’t specific to the mid-90’s; sniff sniff let me get that tear from my eye. Every generation goes through the same thing, every other is inferior, but…I remember a time when you could smoke in McDonalds, your life (and others) wasn’t posted for the world to read, health insurance was affordable and actually covered something and everyone just chilled the fuck out. Nowadays it’s a constant walking on eggshells mentality and lawsuit-happy ways of life.
- I am sure there are others that will not be mentioned here to protect the innocent. Sorry for the Dragnet reference.
As always I am looking forward to hearing how Reality bitch-slapped YOU in the face.
In my next series of posts, we will delve into one VERY important topic in the culinary world; Is It Soup or Isn’t It. Now one might ask themselves in their best Seinfeldesque tone “What is the deal with soup”? It’s a hearty, cozy & soul-nourishing meal with endless variations of flavor and spice. Well, some people think the Earth is still flat. If you find that notion sounds crazy, some people (who will not be named in person at this respected blogitorium) really dislike soup; an equally crazy notion.
Take a look at the example above of this cup of ramen noodles. The photo is taken straight from the microwave after precisely three minutes & thirty seconds (3:30). As you can see it is very “brothy” and would constitute what a lot of people would consider, including me, a cup of chicken soup; no matter how un-homemade it might seem.
Now for the kicker: Take a look at the photo below. This photo is taken after the ramen noodle “soup” has sat, covered for 10 minutes (10:00). As you can CLEARLY see there are no traces of broth, just nice and soft chicken “flavored” noodles. One of the key components here is the noodles are SOLID. The Soup-Earthers, I mean the Soup Dislikers, gripe about one main thing, the food not being solid. Keep that in mind when evaluating your opinion.
In my humble opinion Ramen Noodles can be considered SOUP if eaten with the broth but NOT SOUP if eaten without the broth. But could we get the Soup Dislikers to eat the ramen noodles without broth? Look at the side-by-side comparison below and make your own judgement:
Inspired by one the greatest albums of all “Time”, this was one of my first designs for a custom fightstick. After weeks of being “On The Run” trying to find a reasonable custom case, I settled on a standard Mayflash F500 (a great buy for the “Money”). To be prepared for “The Great Gig In The Sky”, I upgraded the standard Mayflash parts with a Sanwa stick and buttons. Of course you could choose “Any Colour You Like” for the stick and buttons, but the black and printed artwork under the clear buttons fit the design the best.
To differentiate between “Us And Them”, the artwork was redrawn to avoid the scanned CD cover look. Nothing can “Eclipse” the simplistic beauty of this iconic album cover. Custom print was ordered through Focus Attack and the quality was beyond what I had expected. The hardest part of the build was getting the lines in the spectrum to (somewhat) properly align. One could suffer “Brain Damage” after 10 tries unless they “Breathe” normal.
Nothing says “Speak To Me” like some classic Street Fighter II. Hadouken!!
This is the result of a dish of leftover chicken enchiladas and a 10 pack of Ortega Taco Shells in the pantry. Taco Bell only wishes it could dream up something this brilliant. This food hack (sic, I hate that fucking term. More on that subject later in ‘What Grinds My Gears’), they were very, very tasty. Having a soft, warm chicken and melty cheese filled corn tortilla inside a crispy, decadent hard taco shell. BOOM! Genius! (drops fork like Lady GaGa’s mic at the Super Bowl).
This is what sportscaster Al Michaels said when the U.S Hockey Team overcame impossible odds to beat Russia in the 1980 winter Olympic Games. On February 2nd I think I witnessed the equivalent in darts.
We were our celebrating my wife’s birthday at a local establishment when my 16 year old son (Mr. A) expressed an interest in shooting darts. Mr. A is on the autism spectrum and has never shot darts once in his lifetime. I was excited to hear this as I always have enjoyed shooting darts in the past.
As expected the first 6 didn’t hit the board but then I showed him how to stand and eventually he started to get them on the board. Then after a while longer he got a bullseye. I was really surprised an excited for him at the same time.
After that Mr. A, myself and my best friend (Mr. B) started a game of cricket. Mr. B is a real good dart thrower, constantly beating me throughout the years. As expected he started closing numbers very early, but I had left the 18s open and Mr. A took advantage of that number by constantly scoring on it. Him and Mr. B went at least 4 consecutive rounds were one each had the lead. I was shocked.
Mr. B and I finally started closing out the open numbers leaving only Bullseyes left. But Mr. A was right behind us. I was telling him which numbers he needed and how many and he would get one or two each round. I couldn’t believe it. Eventually Mr. B did end up winning beating us on a double-bullseye. I came in second taking advantage by scoring triples on an open 15. But I was so impressed by the first time shooter.
Then Mr. A and Mr. B were going to shoot 501. Object is to keep scoring and go out on the exact number needed. Mr. A got out to an early lead with the pinnacle including a round with a triple 16 and 17. I looked at my other friend (Mr. K) in disbelief. This game started to draw interest at the party as the remaining guests gathered around to watch.
Eventually Mr. A’s lead was dwindling and both were coming down to the wire. The remaining round both needed a 6 to go out. Mr. B went over then it was up to Mr. A. First dart missed the board, then he stuck the 2nd right on the 6. Mr. K and I looked at each other and couldn’t believe it. Mr. A pulled off the impossible. Especially for someone 2 hours ago never picked up a dart. He received a round of applause from the entire group. I was so proud of him.
Yes Al, sometimes I do believe in miracles.
I do like music, and I like a wide range of genres. But these are my Top 5 albums loved by by masses but I cant understand why.
#1. White Album by The Beatles
Double-albums suck the life out of a record. What is worse than that? A double-album with extra fluff and a band that stops being a band. Paul, Paul, Paul: Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da, Wild Honey Pie (and it’s unwild version) and of course Rocky Fuckin’ Raccoon? ZZZZZZZZZZZ. The Yoko Ono factor (influence) really starts to creep into Lennon in this album. Not all is a waste on this album. Helter Skelter is the Beatles at their finest as a rock ‘n roll outfit. Dear Prudence is awesome and I dig what George and E.C. contributed, even though we all knew what E.C. was really up to. Revolution 9 is a post-acid come down from Sgt. Peppers and a fading era.
#2. Bat Out Of Hell by Meatloaf
An over-baked meatloaf is tough, dry and leaves a bad taste in your mouth. This over-baked album by Meatloaf leaves the same impression. It is tough to listen to, song writing is dry & limp and hearing it played over and over and over again on the radio leaves that bad taste; this time in your ears. Certified 14X platinum1 in the U.S. someone seemed to like it, not me.
#3. Dookie by Green Day
Punk music is supposed to have attitude (Sex Pistols, Ramones), raw power (The Stooges, MC5), not giving a shit what the record sounds like (Misfits), not giving a shit at all (Dead Kennedys, Anti Nowhere League). Dookie has none of this. An over-polished pre-packaged TV dinner for white suburban teenagers. Punk music does not win Grammys, Dookie did. Case closed.
#4. Frampton Comes Alive by Peter Frampton
Should’ve stayed in the studio…to be continued…
#5. Pet Sounds by The Beach Boys
A gigantic influence, but why?…to be continued…
My favorite game for the system I hold dear to my heart. Iconic arcade action and a great translation makes Missile Command a must have for any 2600 collection. This is my reference game to test out joysticks, you will know right away if it isn’t working.
I always found the funky color palette swaps for levels mesmerizing. The red missiles on bright yellow background in the later level are bright enough to burn a hole through your retinas.
Great sound effects add to the intensity. The missile launch, compounded explosions, and the chuggga, chuggga, chuggga of adding your extra missiles between levels all work so well together.
Missile Command has the best game over sequence ever! You almost want to die to witness this.
With just the right amount of difficulty and “just one more try” gameplay, take this classic out of the garage for a spin around the block.
A bombastic return for THE PREMIER modern rock power trio. I havent been this “Holy Shit” about a new album since Soundgarden’s Down on the Upside. Fueling this 428 Cobra Jet of an album is the title track of the same name. Crunching guitars, awesome drum fills, and those vocals only Stockdale can deliver, Victorious displays the rawer sound heard on the bands first album. Clocking in at a brisk 35 minutes Victorious doesn’t wait at the bus stop and is GO from track 1. This album is a prime example why a rock album should be under 45 minutes (I am looking at you “The Wall”).
Dont hesitate and add this masterpiece to your collection as soon as possible.
Time: 35 Minutes
- The Love That You Give: 2:38
- Victorious: 4:24
- Baroness: 3:15
- Pretty Peggy: 3:49
- City Lights: 3:51
- The Simple Life: 3:12
- Best of a Bad Situation: 3:07
- Gypsy Caravan: 3:34
- Happy Face: 3:31
- Eye of the Beholder: 3:59
And that video!
Have you ever associated with someone who no matter what you said, liked or disliked they would ALWAYS say the EXACT OPPOSITE of what you said? Example: You – “I really liked that new superhero movie now playing. Did you see it?” Exhausting person – “Yeah, I really didn’t care for it. The first one was better.” You – “That new album by your favorite band is really good.” Exhausting person – “I think it sucks. Their last album was better.” Only to find out a few weeks later they contradict themselves in conversation. Ugggh.
I have filed these types of people as “Exhausting”. Why? Because after enough time they become a chore to listen to. Everything is so negative. In simpler terms “Exhausting”. I have even asked an Exhausting person once if they actually liked anything. No response, it was if they couldn’t find an answer. Not surprised.
Now I am the first to say good conversation doesn’t come from liking and agreeing with everything like a brown-noser, but there has to be some sort of middle ground. Banter back and forth between friends is a healthy thing. Taking a big steaming shit on someone’s conversation time and time again isn’t.
So how do you deal with an Exhausting person? I have literally stopped trying to engage conversation with these types. It is a waste of time to try. Extreme yes, a sense of inner peace, definitely.